Week 19 in the year of our Lord 2021

Bitterness, coddled minds, and ways to restore the West

6 minutes to read

You are not like to see any general reformation, till you procure family reformation. Some little religion there may be, here and there; but while it is confined to single persons, and is not promoted in families, it will not prosper, nor promise much future increase. —Richard Baxter, The Reformed Pastor


Most weak men are weak because they think of themselves as passive victims and not as responsible agents. When other men have success where they don’t, it’s a threat to their victimhood status. Hence, they must find a way to discount or diminish this success. It has to be luck, or it has to be fake; it can’t be normal or replicable.

This mindset is obvious in bitter people when they encounter normal, happy marriages.

Every bitter woman imagines that a happy wife’s life is fake, and that she is actually trapped in an abusive relationship.

Every bitter man imagines that the husband is naive, and is being cuckolded by an unfaithful wife.

They both project their misery.

It’s self-protection; a way to explain that their failure is actually a principled commitment to some reality that others refuse to see.

In their minds, they are only miserable because, unlike all the sheeple, they are willing see the cold hard truth. Hence, they must prove that the healthy marriage they see is actually sick—or face the reality that it is they who are not well. And that is a jagged pill for them to swallow.

It’s a sad situation.

The same mindset is present in most men when they enter the “manosphere.” That’s because the red pill is a bitter pill.

Some gurus like to keep them in this state because they know “victims” will pay for confirmation. Others are actually trying to help them. Close attention is required to discern between the two.

An example of the former are those people telling you to not get married because of the 50% divorce rate. Yet they are the same people telling you to start your own business despite the 50% failure rate within four years.

What someone who actually wants to help you will say is: Don’t rashly enter into marriage or business ventures. Study those who have done well and emulate their practice. Not everybody is cut out to be a business owner and, for one reason or another, the same can be true of married life.


Another trait of victims is that they tend to be coddled. Here’s how the coddled mind works:

“If something angers me, it’s inflammatory and was said to anger me. I’m not the problem. I’m a victim. They are the problem and the only solution is for them to be silenced. Anyone who doesn’t help me silence them is a friend to my abuser.”


It is a palpable error of some ministers, who make such a disproportion between their preaching and their living; who study hard to preach exactly, and study little or not at all to live exactly. —Richard Baxter, The Reformed Pastor

The West has descended into sexual chaos. But the Lord calms every storm in his own time.

Here are six things pastors should do to help address the madness and restore sanity in the long term:

  1. Teach and exhort women to pursue feminine beauty and household management skills;

  2. Teach and exhort men to pursue manly excellence in health, wisdom, finances, and leadership;

  3. Address the sins of men and women equally;

  4. Exhort both men and women to not unduly delay, but cautiously pursue marriage;

  5. Encourage married couples to raise up lots of kids in the nurture of the Lord;

  6. Teach the married couples the basics of discipline and family religion.

This won’t change society overnight. For instance, do family and marriage laws need to change too? Absolutely. But can those legal changes be enacted within a single generation? Probably not. It’s an intergenerational problem that requires an intergenerational strategy.

The culture of society starts in the family. No families, no broad cultural change. No broad cultural change, no legal change.

We need to focus on building where we’re at, and entrusting the results to God. There is a massive changing of the guard happening within American Christianity right now, and it is very encouraging. The old power brokers are losing influence (and people) to upstarts and previously small institutions.

We are living through something historically significant. Now is the time to double down and increase its significance with more of the same. This time will be more than a footnote in Church history. A couple of examples:

  1. Gab is likely to be remembered as the first time an unashamed, bold Christian created a major tech platform on biblical principles of freedom and entrepreneurship. 2021 has made them a real force to contend with. Other overtly Christian businesses are coming, inspired by their example.

  2. We know of huge numbers of large, “moderate” churches losing key long-term members over critical theory and covid. Those people are ending up at new churches, like East River, or smaller churches which resisted that nonsense.

True believers are waking up to what it means to really follow Christ, and the consequences of trying to make peace with the world, or follow worldly wisdom. Fake believers are falling away or revealing their true colors.

The storm is a blessing for revealing the fair-weather Christians, and for forcing the rest of us to batten down the hatches. So get battening.


Notable: #

Complementarianism is on some people’s minds again since Aaron Renn recently interviewed Denny Burk.

If you listen to this interview, you will notice that complementarians are primarily concerned with male and female roles in marriage and the church. Though they pay lip service to nature, and to civics, these are not where the concerns lie.

Our focus is quite different. We are concerned with how male and female natures interact in all spheres of life.

Some call this patriarchalism. There’s nothing wrong with that, and we use that word ourselves. But a more balanced and expansive term is gendered piety. This avoids a lot of common misconceptions, and speaks specifically to our duties as men and women—rather than of male rulership exclusively.

On our website, we have a couple of articles that will help you if you want to go deeper:


Talk again next week,

Bnonn & Michael

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