A man is a worker. If he is not that he is nothing. —Joseph Conrad, from Notes On Life And Letters, 1921, Part II, “Well Done”
From the men in Tyrannus Hall:
Financial advisors have suggested that an inheritance spoils children and makes them entitled and lazy. The reality is, we’ve disregarded the value of capital (generational wealth), and put our families on the double-income hamster wheel to support their mortgages. I wouldn’t have solid home equity and a manageable payment without my grandparents’ foresight. My wife and I are mind-boggled when we consider the obstacles to starting from zero.
My father got me launched on a side gig in high school, and that’s now my full time work. I need to have a lot more appreciation for what these forerunners did for me, and be purposeful about setting the stage for my children and grandchildren to go further.
Inheritance only spoils children who were already spoiled anyway. Those parents transfer wealth to their children without also transferring the skills and virtues that acquired it. So make sure you’re not that kind of father, and your wife is on mission with you.
Marriages are sexless for all sorts of reasons.
Here’s ONE reason within your control to change:
Women generally aren’t turned on by a guy they have to mother. They are aroused by command presence. They are drawn to high-status men—the kind of men who show mastery and take charge. Men who are honored by other men.
If you’re not the kind of man who other men find impressive, what are the chances your wife will, when she knows you better?
Men with no ambition, self-respect, or basic agency are not the kind of men women want to have sex with.
Be out in front.
Things will probably change for the better. Not definitely, but probably. As we said, marriages are sexless for all sorts of reasons. If developing a command presence doesn’t change things for the better, or it only moves the needle a little, then there’s a problem somewhere else.
If that’s the case, an excellent place to get a clear-headed diagnosis is Tyrannus Hall. Men help other men there every day. Not just with sex. With everything you can imagine.
Find out more here:
Habits are like stones rolling down hill — the further they roll, the faster and more ungovernable is their course. Habits, like trees, are strengthened by age. A boy may bend an oak when it is a sapling — a hundred men cannot root it up, when it is a full grown tree. A child can wade over the Thames River at its fountain-head — the largest ship in the world can float in it when it gets near the sea. So it is with habits: the older the stronger — the longer they have held possession, the harder they will be to cast out. They grow with our growth, and strengthen with our strength. Custom is the nurse of sin. Every fresh act of sin lessens fear and remorse, hardens our hearts, blunts the edge of our conscience, and increases our evil inclination. —J.C. Ryle
The idea of “bastards” (see Hebrews 12:8 in the KJV or ASV) is pretty central to our approach to addressing the problems men are facing.
In that vein, we have a new podcast episode up in which Michael reflects on the “The Masculinity Deficiency of Functional Bastards.”
Listen on iTunes, Stitcher, Gogle Play, etc; or here’s a direct link to play on the web:
Michael was also recently on The Shepherd’s Crook podcast. After a rough start, with a disturbing admission about pumpkin spice lattes, he talked about The Cross and the Switchblade, street evangelism, the state of the Pastorate, and much more:
Men are dangerous. That’s a good thing.
Only dangerous men can protect a society from other dangerous men.
A society full of “safe” men is a society in danger. C.S. Lewis was right when he had Mr. Beaver describe Aslan: “He’s not safe. But he’s good.”
Similarly, Jordan Peterson, while going a little overboard because of his lack of biblical ethics, is fundamentally on track when he says, “If you’re harmless, you’re not virtuous. You’re just harmless. If you’re a monster, and you don’t act monstrously, then you’re virtuous.”
Greg Morse, the only author on Desiring God that we would now recommend, has written well on this:
If this resonates with you, we made a die-cut sticker and a mug, which you can order in plenty of time for Christmas and use to start conversations with your co-workers, or just remind yourself of what you’re up to while resting between dangerous things:
We’re still working on getting out act together with merch and a proper online store, but we’ll have more It’s Good To Be A Man tee-shirts and cups coming out soon.
One of my old mentors taught me that there are 4 stages to a man’s life.
- Start something
- Build it
- Help others
- Cut the crap When you get the fourth stage you just don’t have time to fool around. ~ CR Wiley
Insecure men see a talented up-and-comer as a potential competitor.
Men of vision see him as a potential brother in arms.
Talk again next week,
Michael & Bnonn